Be with someone who wants to see you grow.

The simplicity of this factor for personal growth seems intuitive, but we can often find ourselves in relationships that tend to stifle personal growth in favor of self-preservation.

Relationships can quickly become disillusioned when one or both partners sense that personal growth is threatening to themselves or the relationship.

On the contrary. Relationships thrive when there is freedom for both partners to experience personal growth.

• How can I foster growth in my partner?

• How can I advocate my own personal growth in my relationship?

When relationships are secure (that is, it doesn’t feel threatened or slighted when attention or time is devoted elsewhere), both the individuals and the relationship grows.
This can be done in both direct and subtle ways.

• Direct methods:

  • Try simply prefacing ideas for personal growth with statements of confidence in the relationship, appreciation for the other, or gratefulness for the relationship can have significant tread. Such as…

    • “I love the way our relationship seems to withstand challenges”

    • “Watching you tackle the stresses of work while also juggling the work here at home makes me feel so proud of your endurance”

    • “I’m so thankful for the version of ‘us’ we’ve formed together in our relationship”

  • Sharing these thoughts with your partner helps communicate a sense of secure connection in the relationship that can in turn foster the freedom and flexibility both partners need to continue to grow individually and relationally

• Indirect methods:

  • Watching a documentary or listening to a podcast together and then talking about it

  • Finding ways to donate time, money, or other resources to a community need

  • Asking about what your partner is reading or sharing what you’ve recently read

  • Sharing ideas and dreams together

  • When you notice opportunities for personal growth or self-care, inviting those Into your conversations together.

These direct and indirect methods of engaging in personal growth can help partners experience greater fulfillment in their relationship while increasing satisfaction and quality of life.

Cultivate the kind of relationship where both partners experience the freedom to grow.