If we have expectations of our relationships when we start them, or assume the other person will be responsible and able to meet specific emotional needs we carry, the connection may soon be in trouble.
A ‘fairy tale’ isn’t real life, or a reliable framework for a happy relationship. It certainly is possible to have a fruitful and beneficial marriage, but there needs to be a fairly good dose of realism in the mix! Those healthy and thriving relationships we want and know about are the outcome of passion, care, effort and compassion for one another. It is a commitment to develop the bond between you while still taking care of yourself - it is neither disposable when you don’t get what you want, nor is it a construct where one person should give and not get anything back. It’s a balance.

There is no specific one-size-fits-all blueprint for this, we are all unique.  However, we can take some steps to healthy relationships from the very start:

Love yourself - if you have an unhealthy and negative view of yourself and your worth, or are looking for another person to soothe an inner wound, you will enter into a relationship carrying those hurts and have unrealistic expectations for the other person. Choose well - are you attracted to the person as themselves, or as someone who you think might fulfil what you lack?

Commit to your own personal development and growth as an individual. 

Do the work and ask questions of those in healthy relationships - what works?

Make sure you both have the same view of where the relationship is going, and that you both value empathy. 

Keep pushing each other forward to be better.

If it becomes quickly clear it isn’t a good match - you can always walk away.