Confidence doesn't always come naturally - the harder we are on ourselves the more time we spend tearing ourselves down.

We often talk to ourselves negatively and tear ourselves down, especially women, but not exclusively. However, this can be a very harmful thought process that leads us to feel worse about ourselves and we can use unhealthy methods to change it.

I hope all of us have the courage to embrace our unique talents and qualities, despite how today's society makes it extremely easy to compare ourselves to others, which can lead to negative self-talk. Learning how to stop knocking yourself down is actually the first step in building yourself up.

Consider saying your personal critiques to someone else. As one of the best techniques for changing your perspective on negative self talk, try telling your stories to another trusted person.

We are taught from an early age to not be mean to others, but we should also hold that same standards and be kind to ourselves. Stop saying things to yourself you would never say to another.

Recognize if there is a self-fulfilling prophecy at work. The effects of negative self talk can be self-fulfilling. When you engage in negative self talk, you are more likely to recall examples of the mistakes you’ve made, rather than to recall things you have done right.

In moments when you feel particularly unhappy with yourself, try to recall three times when you proved those thoughts incorrect. It will initially be difficult, but you will be able to come up with something after a while.  Then you can use this real positivity to counteract the negative thoughts. 

Take a look at how you're using social media. Feeling envious of the people you see in your feed on Instagram? Think about how you use social media.  Unfollow specific accounts that make you feel negative about yourself. Remember that social media photos are not always real life. No one wants to portray a bad image, so everyone attempts to present themselves in their best light.

Monitor other aspects of your life. Keep a journal or a record. Sometimes negative self talk is a result of other things that might be going on. You may not even realize the pattern that you have in head or heart. The more you understand these things and the other factors behind the negative self-talk, the better prepared you will be to deal with these issues.

Taking positive action in the face of negative thoughts can help you be empowered. You can change your mindset, from the moment you stop a negative thought, by immediately countering it with something positive, tangible and a thing you like about yourself.

You can turn criticism into goals (but only if they’re healthy). As an alternative to negative self-talk that helps you beat yourself up, try changing your mindset to identify areas you would like to improve on, and then use that to motivate yourself over time. Instead of engaging in unhealthy goals, be careful to set targets that are realistic and help you, bit by bit, lessen the negativity.