We’ve been looking at a few types of destructive communication over the last couple of week, and the damage that ‘always trying to score points’ and ‘always trying to be right’ can bring. Let’s continue our look at the ways in which we can use negative communication within our relationships.

One big way of destructively communicating is really nothing. No, I don’t mean that it doesn’t matter, it really is NOTHING. Couples can often just stop talking, and give up on communicating. People can withdraw and hold everything in that they want to say. Instead, they express themselves with behavior, actions and every other way except verbally.

So why do people do this? It can stem from a number of reasons:

they don’t want to expose their feelings and make themselves vulnerable
They hide their anger as they don’t feel the other person won’t accept it or value their opinion
They don’t feel that they will be heard or understood
They fear that every conversation will lead to an argument

This then leads to non-communication, and ultimately and empty relationship with people running parallel lives that never cross over one another.

Any hard, meaningful and focused conversation only takes place with friends or anyone else that may spot vulnerabilities and try to exploit them.

Meanwhile, the relationship just goes through the motions - this can go on for many years and will either meet a crisis point, or to the bitter end.

In a relationship where each partner isn’t talking to one another, they will express themselves in other ways as previously mentioned - and these expressions tend to be negative. With an absence of communication comes an equivalent withdrawal of physical affection, lack of emotion and in turning to others to have their needs met, resulting in affairs and infidelity in one of many ways.

Not communicating in a relationship is the equivalent of putting your partnership in jail. It cannot move on, and you both end up trapping each other in a negative and stagnant space.