Have we ever heard the phrase “Do as I say, not as I do”? If we hadn’t heard or said those exact words, perhaps our actions might have communicated this mindset. We can embody phrases like this in an unintentional way, without even noticing.

We tell our children “no devices” at mealtimes, yet we will eagerly monitor our phones for emails from work.

We finish reading our novel, and set it down beside our armchair so we can pick it up again later - yet we insist our kids tidy up as soon as they put a toy or book down.

We become the very manifestation of “Do as I say not as I do.”

As parents, we generally set standards according to what we had (or didn’t have) ourselves as children. If our parents were too strict, we tend to be a bit more relaxed. If we felt that their rules were reasonable, we will do the same with our own kids. Our goal is for our children to benefit in ways we didn’t, and our motivation is primarily one of love.

Do we make parenting mistakes? Of course - we all mess up sometimes. Does this mean we don’t try to have certain expectations for our children because we aren’t perfect? No - but we do need to be mindful of what motivates us and ensure that what we tell kids to do lines up with what we do ourselves.

Mirror neurons are the pathways children follow by imitating us. Even in the most fractious of families, our parents are enormously influential - for good and bad.

It’s important to equip our children with skills and self-discipline in a safe, accepting way. If they feel secure to mess up and try things at home, they will be more able to show self-awareness when away from their parents.

If we break the rules, your child will eventually do this too - but if we endeavour to follow certain standards and not just expect them from others, that consistency should show that what you do isn’t just an arbitrary choice. Of course, we need to make sure there’s a reason and purpose for those standards in the first place! Do they make sense? Are they beneficial? Are you doing the same?

Be consistent. Don’t disconnect your words and actions. A parent needs to embody the values you want your child to take on for themselves.