There can often be an attitude in certain parenting circles (and perhaps within our own families) that we need to raise our children in preparation for the world being, well, a bit rubbish (that’s garbage for those of you across the Atlantic from me!). By trying to be compassionate, the accusations of pandering and ‘making the child soft’ can be mentioned - the argument is that we need to be harsh and tough to prepare them for an adulthood that is harsh and cruel.

While little kids are considered cute, by the time your child is almost as tall as you, that attitude changes - they are expected to behave like a mini-adult with regards to speech, discipline and mental toughness.

It is a belief that as a child ages, parenting needs to be harsher and that we need to stop being gentle and accepting. To do anything less than disciplinarian parenting is failing to prepare them for the real world.

I respectfully offer that this is a mistaken belief.

As parents and caregivers, the presumption is that babies and toddlers need kindness, but as they get older, they need less nurturing. However, our role is to provide a safe harbor for children. Somewhere they can be totally themselves without fear of criticism, and in providing this safe place, they will inevitably feel confident enough to face any of the bad stuff the world may throw at them when they are older.
Imagine being in a situation of chaos or danger, perhaps the boat you are on is sinking, for example. Out of the horizon, a small rowboat appears, and they offer to rescue you. Do you turn them away, claiming that the experience is good for you and preparing you for worse situations, or do you accept their help with gratitude?

As parents, we (and our home) should be that rowboat.

Confidence in a child isn’t encouraged by making them feel insecure or having their voices diminished. They need to be taught the skills and resilience that they need in the safety of their own homes, and this only happens in an environment of respect and empathy. If a child can share their feelings, without being punished for doing so, this will provide building blocks for adulthood - they will be more able to express their needs and wants, and also be able to reason and be much more resilient when faced with a problem, because they have been allowed to find their own solution in a framework of safety.

Unfortunately, the harsh school of thought where children need to be toughened up and cynical has to be considered in the context of a rise in mental health issues, insecurities, family dysfunction and an overall sense of ‘us vs them’ in the world.

Let’s face it, do we genuinely think the world would be a better place if every child, for generations, is raised in a ‘toughen up’ way, or could it be that raising kids in a supportive, empathetic and nurturing way may produce confident and kind individuals who make choices from a place of well-being, rather than an agenda of hurt?