Self-care, wellness, mindfulness - these are words that have become more familiar in recent years. In fact, whole industries and commercial activities have sprung up, all of which claim to be THE right way, the most beneficial and most effective.

Essentially, self-care is doing something that makes you happy and feel good. Nothing more, nothing less. It doesn’t need to be anything exotic, excessive or glamorous (who doesn’t like a treat occasionally, though!), rather it is finding even the simplest thing which brings you to a place of peace and contentment. If we know what works for us and put it into practice, then this is self-care.

We struggle sometimes, as knowing what makes us happy means knowing ourselves better - and this is what can trip us up. If we haven’t taken the time to discover what motivates us and makes us tick in life, we will struggle to find out which acts make us genuinely happy.

So what can you do? Here are some pointers.

1. Make a list of what makes you happy

Write it down and keep it within easy reach, so that when you need a reminder it is just there. What makes you happy? Write it down. This can range from the esoteric to the small - a particular song, a smell, a favorite cardigan, a good book etc.

2. Put boundaries in place and enforce them.

It is vital to put boundaries in place, personally, emotionally and professionally. You need time to switch off from work calls. You need a pause before starting the next task. Notice I’ve said need, not just want. Placing boundaries can be uncomfortable- if you don’t experience kick back from some others, then it’s probably not actually a boundary. When you know yourself, you also learn to recognize when that sense of overwhelm is about to kick in, and this is when self-care is vitally important.

3. Disconnect

Turn off that tech. Step away from the phone and the screen. Stop scrolling and refreshing. As much as social media feels like a modern necessity, nothing feeds more into our fear of missing out, our urge to compare and the niggling anxiety that we need to do and be more than we are - even our vulnerability can become performative. No-one can live with that pressure 24/7. Take a break.

4. It’s all about you

How does that statement make you feel? Empowered? Or selfish? We become conditioned to place our value alongside how much people want from us, like a psychological form of “supply and demand”. Society tries to tell us that we are only loved for what we do, not who we are. If we do “X” then maybe we will be rewarded with “Y” - it starts from a young age with stickers and prizes and we soon come to be motivated by rewards, rather than intrinsically motivated to do the best thing because doing the best thing is in itself the best reward.

So what happens if we subvert this thinking? What if the idea of worth being linked to what we do is false? What if we start to understand that our worth is linked to our humanity rather than our activity?

A simple task is to start your day with something that makes you happy first thing, and finish your day in the same way. Use this time to reflect on yourself, what brings you peace and joy, make it about you - not what everyone else is doing.

For me, that could be going down a rabbit hole of art house cinematography. Or listening to a Eurovision track while having a little dance and sing in languages I can’t speak (yet). Or sewing a dress for my daughter. Or drinking a coffee while staring at some trees. It works for me. I don’t believe in “guilty pleasures”, these pleasures are unashamedly, uncringingly all my joy-givers.