It’s not surprising that people want and need to be listened to. We can all acknowledge that being able and willing to listen to what people say is an important part of communication - but what if it isn’t the whole story?

There is a fundamental difference between being listened to and being heard. As people, we have a deep-rooted craving for both.

Maybe you’ve had a conversation with someone who appears to be listening to your words, but there seems to be a disconnect in their understanding of what you mean.

Perhaps they get the fundamental meaning of what you’ve said, but don’t appreciate the depth or seriousness of feeling. This is a situation where you’ve been listened to, but not heard. You can see that the mechanics of physically hearing a person aren’t quite sufficient. Being understood takes further focus.

When we tell someone “I hear you”, what do we mean? Do we really mean that we get where they are coming from, or appreciate the reasons and feelings behind their words?

Can we hear what people say, reflect it back, and resist the temptation to offer solutions?

To fight the urge to tell them to cheer up, focus on other things, or just offer a shrug because we don’t know what to say?

The best listeners don’t just hear - they listen, try to understand, then validate the other person. And this is the key to better communication and healthier relationships.

To truly listen, you must also be able to validate and give respect to the heart of the person, not just their conversation.