What to do when empathy and boundaries collide
/If empathy without boundaries is self-destruction, empathy with boundaries is compassion.
In relationships (including the relationship with ourselves), we can often be guilty of moving boundaries in order to accommodate the immediate needs at hand and soften the blow of disappointment.
We can so easily shift parameters in order to avoid discomfort. And at times, our empathy for the perceived distress trumps the initial value of the boundary.
Empathy is meant to interrupt fears, to interpret experiences internally and to be felt deeply.
We are supposed to feel.
We are supposed to emote.
However, we are NOT meant to deny or avoid boundaries simply because we feel deeply.
If there is abuse of power or
a presence of violence,
a betrayal of self or relationship…
these are boundaries that do not need to bend.
Empathy without boundaries is self-destruction.
We can elicit empathy WHILE we maintain healthy boundaries in our relationship with others and ourselves.
There is ample room for both.
By giving and maintaining healthy parameters around hopes and expectations, we exercise compassion.
We communicate compassion through acknowledging when we notice a boundary has been crossed and holding to that boundary out of kindness to ourself and the other.
So, let's find ways to become more mindful of what our boundaries are - explore our values, what is important and why. In this way, we can notice when a boundary is bending, and we can change course or we can increase our awareness when the lines need to be rebuilt or redefined.
