One big challenge in parenting is knowing how to respond to the actions and words of our children. It can be difficult to be flexible in our approach, and we often default to engrained responses, or turn into our own parents and replicate them (even if we don’t agree with their approach).

Staying flexible in our responses is when we have the ability to pause and mentally check through our feelings, reactions and impulses, and carefully and thoughtfully chose how to respond to our child.

We can often be reactionary and come back at our children with a knee-jerk answer, in automatic pilot parenting. By giving ourself that circuit breaker pause, we can then come up with an intentional response, and one that is more beneficial than it is punishing or unhelpful.
As parents, we often want our children to be ok with delayed gratification and learn to be patient, yet when it comes to our own reactions, we do not extend the same demands on ourselves. We can lash out, shout and ask for unrealistic circumstances.

So why do we ask our kids to deliver something that we struggle with ourselves as adults?

If we aim to be emotionally mature and have a kind and compassionate relationship with our kids, we need to be aware that we don’t always have to respond in a particular way. It is not set in stone, and we do not need to keep repeating what doesn’t work, or what is damaging in the long-term.

It is also very important to look after yourself - if you are tired, cross, fed up, hungry, unhappy with something in your own life or struggling, if has an impact on how we treat our children.

Remember - they are not giving you a hard time, they are having a hard time.

This perspective is hugely beneficial.

We can lose the desire and ability to be mindful and reflective when our own resources are depleted, becoming far more likely to move away from a proper perspective when issues with our child occurs. The shutters come down, we lose the ability to think clearly, and we become rigid in mindset and more likely to emotionally overreact.

Parenting is one giant challenge of flexibility and being able to pivot. While structure is always somewhat needed, staying emotionally balanced also needs to be a priority. Parents can encourage flexibility and balance in their children when they learn how to model their own responses. Having the ability to stay flexible as adults means that it is more likely our children will emulate our behavior.

When we are flexible, we have choices. We get to pick our behavior, our approach and check in with our personal values. Defaulting to particular behaviors is not necessary or a done deal, we can chose to be a proactive parent rather than a reactive one.

We get to pick what behaviors to enact and what parental approach and values to support.

When we stay flexible, we open the door to a wide range of emotions and give ourselves room to think. We can consider our child’s point of view, fully and with empathy.