As a human being, we have a sense of belonging - a desire to be accepted and somehow affiliated with particular groups of people. From a young age, children observe and imitate others, trying to blend in to the common practice of the crowd. At around the age of three, they quickly learn unspoken rules and pick up on attitudes, behaviors and practices. This goes far deeper than ‘obeying rules’; it implicates how a child’s personality is developed and how it feels about itself.

As the child grows, these patterns are seen in copying behavior patterns, hobbies, music, even how to eat - all things which contribute to social awareness and how a person relates to others. Even animals exhibit this behavior of blending in, so they can avoid predators. A case where being a part of the herd can be a matter of life of death.

As a whole, we are expected to fit into the prevailing culture, rather than it fitting into our lifestyle. We are encouraged to act a certain way, especially in the workplace or in school. Referring back to the studies made on animal behavior, the survival of one needs the others, and in fact, benefits the others if they don’t stand out too much.

People try to fit in so they can be socially accepted. Our environment puts some pressure on us to conform for a number of reasons.

We want to be liked.

We want to be seen as being right.

We want to be the same as someone else.

All of this is dictated by the behavior of others, as the phrase goes, “no one is an island” - you can’t fit in when isolated.

So does this mean that fitting in and conformity are the same thing? Why do some people choose to conform even if it goes against their own morals and character?

Part of our social ‘conditioning’ is to adopt certain persona with different people. Some of these shifts can be more pronounced, while some are more subtle. We put on those masks to be more agreeable to other people - pretending we like a particular song, liking certain foods, adopting a fitness regime, watching one movie genre, not speaking up when another person says an offensive statement, and so on.

We change to a conformist approach for our own self-interest, essentially. While a certain level of ‘fitting-in’ behavior is expected and normal, where is our cut-off point? When do we reach a limit where we no longer feel that we are being honest and acting in integrity?

There may come a crisis point where we wonder if we are being liked or accepted for who we really are, or for the conforming image we present to others. What would happen if you dropped the ‘best front’?

It’s important to see that there is a big difference between complying and belonging. The two can be so easily confused, and gaining self-worth from compliance can bring major esteem issues. We cannot fit in to every scenario, no matter how hard we try. It is an unrealistic expectation.

Often, we see standards in the same way as averages, but what is presented as ‘an average person’ bears no resemblance to a real person.
Maybe you consider yourself the opposite, and non-conformity is your goal. An accurate measure of conformity or nonconformity is based on your true understanding of a subject; non-conformity just for the sake of it is still conformity.

Healthy conformity (and non-conformity) isn’t blindly following (or shunning) the masses because you feel like it, or merely adopting a way of thinking because it fits in nicely with your preconceived beliefs - it is based on mindfully considering your options and circumstances, dissecting opinion and rhetoric from fact, and making an informed choice.

Realize that it is not necessary to conform in order to fit in. Finding value in other’s opinions is a rocky path. If we conform excessively, it will crush creativity and personal growth. It ties into our perfectionism, stopping us from trying new things and stepping out of our safe zone.

As with everything that can be perceived as a good thing, but negative if done excessively - apply moderation.
Find your tribe, your people, your slipstream - whatever you want to call it, but don’t lose who you really are in the process.