We often want some indication of what the future holds, to know that we aren't wasting our resources - whether that be money, effort, time and emotional input. We want to know if the people in our lives also have our best interests at heart, and we want to know what makes them tick.

Our interest may be in knowing what their plans are for us as a partnership. Are they envisioning us as a committed couple? What do they feel about my career? Maybe we want to know, even if we don't say it directly, whether they have honorable intentions towards us.

We all want to understand someone's intentions. We don't like feeling unsafe, and we hate feeling insecure. However, we shouldn't get too involved in trying to understand someone's intentions to the point where we avoid being ourselves and showing vulnerability. Even if someone tells us what we want to hear, that does not necessarily mean it's a 'sure thing'. It's important to know about the other person, but not use it as a barrier to sharing about ourselves, or use imperfections as a battering ram.

It doesn't mean that we ignore the importance of getting to know a person or situation, as well as paying attention to the reality of the scenario. We need to find out what someone's intentions are to confirm that our values - or to work out what exists or doesn’t. Relationships are defined through conversations, not a one-time comment or conversation that might even be off the cuff. Trying to judge someone's intentions cannot be used to predict the future, or make us feel less worried about a glaring problem that we’ve tried to overlook already.

We may ask questions, have conversations, discuss our concerns, make plans, check in, express our needs. However, we we will also have to recognize who someone really is and what motivates them - what they have at their very core, and be open for them to discover the same about us. Though we may try to avoid it, vulnerability cannot be side-stepped.