We mostly all love the convenience of the smart phone - where we used to need multiple items for different jobs, we have the ability contained in one small device - but is this item becoming the third ‘person’ in your relationship?

Addiction and compulsive phone use has become a growing issue in our relationships, and also takes a toll on our mental and emotional health.

Obviously, checking our phone now and again isn’t inherently damaging, sometimes we need to deal with things in a timely manner....but does this stretch to absolutely everything? Or is it possible that you are embracing distraction to avoid dealing with what (or who) you are presently with?

It can be problematic when you compulsively check messages or mindlessly scroll several times in succession, all day long. It’s the first thing you greet as you wake (picking it up as soon as you are conscious) and the last thing to which you say goodnight. Repetitively and gradually, this builds up to lots of time spent engaging with your phone. Instead of being responsive and engaged with your partner and family. The more you value your time and consider yourself to be of importance to others, the more you need to be aware of how you spend it on your phone. You can feel present with your family location-wise, but actually be at a distance mentally and emotionally, only really half-there; frustratingly visible but not contactable (unless by phone). It’s a large price to pay.

When you are with someone who constantly refers to their cell phone, it can feel like you are not really fully together. It sends a clear signal that you are not a priority and unworthy of focus. The upshot is that this is rude behavior, and repeated rudeness of this type will eventually cause fallout and rupture in the relationship. No-one wants to play second fiddle to the rest of the world.

In a recent study, more than a third surveyed said that they felt depression as a result of this behavior, and almost a quarter said that it caused conflict.

Being only half-noticed or partially engaged can make us feel undervalued and unsafe in a relationship, and unless behavior changes, can irreparably break connection.
Essentially, it’s technological infidelity.

How to fix it is simple. Put down the phone. Leave it somewhere else when you are with a loved one. This is your time. You are not so important that you need to be ‘on’ 24/7, but you are important to each other. Prioritize your focus. Your partner and family will appreciate it, as will your own wellbeing.