Here’s a little fable for your Monday:

The story goes that there was a man who was afraid of his own shadow. He thought he could never be happy unless he got rid of this shadow, so he grew more and more furious until it finally chased him. He saw that no matter how fast or how far he ran, his shadow kept up with him, but he was determined to keep trying. He kept running and got faster and faster until he became so overwhelmed and exhausted, he fell down dead.

The man did not realize that his shadow would have naturally disappeared if he had relaxed and taken a rest in the shade. The story shows us a metaphor for overcoming our own shadow side, illustrating how to find peace when faced with our own shadows.

We all have a ‘shadow’ side. Depending on our upbringing and belief about how the mind and body works, we identify our own personal ‘shadow’ as the parts of ourselves that we do not accept and do not want to see. Perhaps you feel the burden to punish yourself or drive this side of yourself out. Shadows are based in shame, a feeling we have of being unworthy or inadequate.

Many people assume the shadow is negative, but this is only partly accurate. It's more what you perceive as dark and weak about yourself, which you need to hide and deny. But this depends on how you perceive life, and your own self-esteem.

While you may feel that you need to hide your individual strengths, your desire for independence, or your sensitive side within your shadow, for another person it may be the classic ‘negatives’ such as fear, sadness, anger and laziness that they want to eliminate.

Our shadows become an unhelpful influence when we run from them, because it amplifies the feeling that we are deficient and unworthy and we need to stay hidden from certain aspects of ourselves. Remember that when we repress and deny something about ourselves, it does not disappear but grows in power and becomes more powerful and more problematic for us.

When it comes to seeing other people’s shadow, we can often project our own attributes and see them in another person so that they seem to be 'unacceptable’. This will often come with a sense of blame. Projection of a collective shadow is seen in the many horrors of history, and can easily be repeated when any number of people project certain attributes onto another group of people.

Much of our neurosis and pain stems from the unloved and unseen parts of ourselves that we try to keep stuffed down. When we run from our shadow, we prolong our suffering, we stay stuck in unhelpful behavior, and we stop taking care of those aspects of ourselves that require the most healing. This spiral is unhealthy.

When we discipline ourselves to be mindful and compassionate toward our shadow material, we can learn to no longer run away from it and rest in self-acceptance, wisdom, and inner strength.

Only someone who is aware of their unconscious biases and prejudices can overcome them. By recognizing our locked-down areas, we can learn to open them again, and by shining a light into the darkest corners within and identifying areas of fear, defensiveness, hate and ignorance, we can finally choose to rise above them, to truly be free and at peace. Seeing frees.

You don't have to run from your shadow anymore. It's ok to acknowledge and embrace ALL of your humanity - all the flaws, all the beauty, all the weirdness, the hurt - be mindful, compassionate, and unconditionally acknowledging of your shadow instead.

Put it this way - if someone you love deeply has an accident, and you don’t know how serious it is - imagine when they walk through the door scratched, upset, dirty and soiled. Most of us would embrace them despite the distress and dirt, through love and relief. This is how we need to see ourselves - with love, regardless of the ‘stuff’. THEN, and only then, can we sort through what needs to be worked on.

Seeing those parts of ourselves that we'd rather not see can be uncomfortable and difficult, but it is well worth the effort if we want to prevent ourselves from suffering and find a place of balance and strength. This equilibrium relieves so much suffering in the long run.

In relationships or our general worldview, looking at what we constantly blame others for is often a direct route to understanding what we are culpable of. What are the things you dislike most in others? Is is the same inside you?

Identifying your shadow side is important, but you don't want to over-identify or fall into a pattern of rumination when you work on it. If your current situation is one of dealing with low self-esteem or depression, for instance, it is not a good idea to engage in dealing with these shadows, as you will not be able to see the good and positive strengths in yourself on your own. Wisdom would be to do this deep-dive with the support and encouragement with professional help.